Can I say something?

It seems as though the most interesting people on this planet are ex-offenders. Why is that? This almost makes me want to become addicted to heroin for a while only to say, "I've been clean for 16 years."

That would make me a drug addict at the age of 7 but who's counting? Apparently me.

It just sounds so cool to say, "I've been sober 18 months." And people tend to admire you too. You become an instant hero - or in my case, heroin. Ha! Get it?! Alright, let's move on...

And people tend to babysit for addicts more often. Shit, I wanna go to the club sometimes too! But, people don't just babysit. I mean, they'll take custody of your kids for years while you dance the night away. I'm just waiting for the day that I can ask someone to watch my kids for two years while I get an associate's degree at least. It's not like I'm going for my master's!

But that's the way we live in this day and age. You come home from jail and you get a party a la Doughboy from Boyz N Da Hood (did I ghetto-fy that title correctly?) But, let's say you come home from college for the summer. You have to sleep on the couch because there's a crack baby sleeping in your bed!

I apologize to any crack babies reading this blog. Are there any special scholarships for crack babies? If so, I'd like to take a look at these applicants. Personally, I'd be too embarrased to admit that I was born on crack. But, then again I could say I've been clean for 24 years and technically, I'd be right!

Would that make me interesting?