I make Kool-Aid wit my family...

Du-da-da-da da du-da-dah. I make pitcher after pitcher. Du-da-da-da da du-da-dah.

Remember that from Def Comedy Jam? I do!

It's the Kool-aid man!


I once heard someone say that kool-aid isn't something you drink when you're thirsty. It's something you drink when you can't find crack. So true. So true. I mean, Kool-Aid's predecessor was called Fruit-Smack.

And then, somewhere along the line, someone decided kool-aid was a good subsitute for hair dye. This was when black chicks rocked purple, green, and pink hair before the white girls found it fashionable.

But who used to collect Kool-Aid points? Me too!

But what did these points get you?


Who would play with this doll?! Oh boy. I remember having a kool-aid can full of these points. But for what? I never ordered anything. I mean the catalog had stuff like this...



And then they had the nerve to say things like, "but don’t delay, because these items are only available while supplies last!"

What?! While supplies last? I don't think you have to worry about that Kool-Aid people.

But this kool-aid Atari game must've been cool...


actually...no.

When I was a kid...Part IX

When I was a kid I used to visit my grandmother in South Carolina every summer. Anybody else parents send them down south for the summer vacation? It seems like a black family tradition.

By the way, where did the southern families send their kids for the summer?

But I digress, I have 11 aunts and uncles and every one of them sent their kids to my grandmas house each summer. Now my grandma was still working, so during the day the older kids had to watch us young'ns. This was a recipe for disaster.

When my grandma left for work the last thing she'd say is, "don't touch anything in that fridge."

Now, there wasn't much to eat in the kitchen but that's where the best food was!

My grandma took precautions. She knew we'd be sneaky so she left only a few items in the cabinets that she thought we wouldn't touch. She was wrong.

She left stuff like corn still in the husk, a bag of coconut, a bag of sugar, and a gigantic jar of O'Boy syrup. We got creative. We'd toast some bread and sprinkle sugar on it for breakfast. Or we'd pour syrup on it. For lunch we cut the kernels off the corn and fried it until it was damn near burnt. Then we sprinkled mad salt on it...

Now the bag of coconut was tricky. My grandma needed that for her cakes. I was the only one that like coconut so I put a tiny hole in the bag and would pinch coconut out of it all day long. I don't think she ever caught on.

But the sad thing is when she'd come home and cook dinner. She had to stretch the meal so that everybody could eat so if she cooked hot dogs for instance, everybody could only get one or two hotdogs.

Because it was so many of us we all had this thing about eating in each others face. So, I made it my business to be the last one eating. In order to accomplish this, I'd first eat the crust off the bread with the mustard and ketchup smeared on it. Then I nibbled off the skin of the hotdog. It looked disgusting but I didn't care. After that I put the remains of the hotdog back into the crust-less bread and eat it in front of everybody's face.

I was the champion at eating slow. Now I hold the title of eating fast because if I don't, one of the kids will damn sure snatch the food off my plate.

And to make sure I had more juice than everybody else I'd mix it with water.

Maybe that's why no one likes me....

Guess who's having the best week ever!

Me!

It's only hump day and I'm already on a portuguese roll. This weekend, Kane and I went to PA and Boston. He had shows in both places and it goes without saying that he rocked it. He never ceases to amaze me with every show...

On the way there he was cracking jokes on his manager. Poor guy packed a dress shirt that had mad colors in it. He should've never had it out in the open because Kane called it a Keenan Ivory Wayans throwback. He asked him if it came with fly girl action figures.

He's probably sillier than me. I didn't think that was possible.

The show in PA was Saturday night and he performed along with Rob Base and Doug E. Fresh. It was on a ski trip and the show took place at the pajama party. But the show in Boston was even better.

A few ladies won a contest where they got to eat dinner with Kane before the show. I must admit I couldn't keep my eye on all of them but I tried. And each time one of them went up to talk to Kane, one of their friends would try to make small talk with me so I wouldn't notice all the flirting going on.

This happened quite a few times so I knew it wasn't a coincidence.

But I knew I didn't have anything to worry about so I kept ordering my Hypnotic and it wasn't long before I was on my third glass. I didn't get drunk though.

So, we were able to spend the entire weekend together and when it was time for him to catch his flight I almost cried. I know, I know. Awwwww.

But I'm still having the best week ever! I ordered some ultra cute Coach boots.

This photo doesn't do them justice but trust me, these boots are nice.

I'm buying the scarf to match them and I hear that Macy's has the purse. Holla!

On Friday I have my three hour consultation for the lasik eye surgery and hopefully I will have the actual surgery next week.

So, I have Friday scheduled off from work and I will head straight to the mall afterwards to look for an outfit to wear to Detroit. I hear it's the land of the pimps and players so as Kane would say, I gotta be dipped from my hips to my fingertips...or something like that.

90's Fashion Revisited

Smurfette - I need to see that Motorola phone pronto. I was watching the Usual Suspects the other night and noticed that Dean...Big Brother Almight-ty! had the same phone!

That movie is dope, by the way. I knew it was the cripple.

Hey! Do my eyes deceive me or did I just see a comment from TheKidd!?

Welcome back!

Well, well, well. I think I remember those Wannabees. I even had a pair with my name airbrushed on the sides. I was so corny back then.

But Manny, I had a pair of fake Nike Air Huaraches. I got them from Fayva which, if you remember, was the equivilant of Payless. Needless to say, I was the joke of the day at my school. Much to my mom's chagrin, I only wore them once. Good thing they were only $9.99!

I've always wanted a pair of the orange and blue Patrick Ewings. But, the problem with those sneakers is that it's hard to find clothes that match the sneakers. I know, just get a Knicks jersey right? Well, my mom couldn't afford things like that and apparently, neither could the kids moms that had the sneakers back then.

This one girl wore those sneakers with EVERYTHING! I mean, her mom would send her to school with a pink sweatsuit on and she'd still rock the Patrick Ewings. Poor girl.

American Idol Rap by Chris Wylde

Stop lookin’ cause ya’ll can’t find a better man
Damn San Fran I’m the man with the better plan
Roof!
Where my dawg at? Roof! Randy Jack-son, droppin’ fat son
Droppin’ weight, change the waist on his slacks son.

What about the one with the wisecrack, son?
Simon Cowell. S dot Cowell.
Spell it out, and yes it spells scowl
Always on the prowl, don’t make him growl,
but recognize that you wise like the owl.

Oooh I gotta thank God and Jesus. I gotta thank Anesha.
Oh my Gosh, look it’s TV’s Moesha
Yo, yo, Q you know your girl being dandy,
better known as Brandy and she be some eye candy.

Whooeee Yoooee Paula Abdul she
so hot yo yo she’s so cool she
so fine I’m inclined to drool
Wanna sip wine and recline by the pool?
“Not tonight Chris I gotta headache,” -take a Midol
Girl you lookin’ at the next American Idol.

Please excuse me but the nerd in me just loves this so much I had to post it here...

When I Was a Kid...Part VIII

I'm trying folks. I'm trying real hard. But the hearts floating around my head are hindering my thought process.

But I can only seem to think of one thing...

and Mary's song "I've Found My Everything" is on repeat...

What's a girl to do?! Tomorrow morning I'm supposed to meet him in NY so that we can go to Philly.

I really want to go to this shoe district in Philly that I've been hearing about. Then, we're flying to Boston for another show. After that I might not see him for two weeks when we fly to Detroit.

With the exception of Boston, I've never been to these places. I went to Boston when I was in the 6th grade. It was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me at that time. I remember staying up all night because I was afraid I was gonna mysteriously die in my sleep and miss the opportunity to ride on a bus for 17 hours just to ride on a boat and shop with $5 at Quincy Market.

I didn't even have enough money to buy food. My mom gave me $5 when everyone else had $20. I ended up buying something to drink and two tapes (Janet Jackson and Onyx) for $1.99 each.

Well I let for school extra early that morning and waited outside the school in my purple jean shorts and purple jean bra top to match. Yeah, I fit in with the "splaboo" of my town and I aint ashamed to admit it.

You see, my mom allowed me to wear these types of things because I had no body to show off. I had no breasts, hips, or booty. While my sisters couldn't wear biker shorts, sports bras, or shirts that were half sheer at the bottom I was able to wear these things outdoors.

And boy did I embarrass myself.

My mom made me wear a windbreaker jacket over this jean set because we'd be near water. I remember someone taking a picture off all the girls and just before they snapped the picture I unzipped the jacket to show off my non-existent breasts. I remember that photo and cringe. I was a hot mess.

The worst part of that outfit was the baseball cap. To this day I can't explain why I decided to flip the brim upwards.... yes, I flipped the brim.

I figured it was the cool thing to do. Especially since I saw DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince doing it....

I got laughed at.

So, a tragic thing happened on this trip. A boy named Raymond- (we'll call him Rain Man to protect his privacy), he and another kid were playing with a rubber snake near the shopping mall or museum or whatever. The building was the kind where the walls on the outside are made of glass. The kid threw the snake and Rain Man went after it, tripped on it, and fell into the huge glass wall.

Now, you'd think this glass wall was sturdy enough to withstand the weight of this sixth grader - although he was the biggest kid in class. But no, it cracked. And the sound of it cracking was the worst part because we were all suspended in motion knowing what would happen next.

Yes. The glass came crashing down first sounding like a thousand wind chimes then changing to that of a demolition. And it all fell on top of Raymond -I mean, Rain Man. He covered his face so the glass fell on his back.

One of the teachers ran over to him and pushed him aside just as a huge chunk of glass - with a point at the end smashed into the concrete. I honestly believe that teacher saved Rain Man's life.

The glass had hit him so hard, his shirt was literally ripped to shreds. They ambulance took him away but he was back with us by the time we arrived at Quincy Market.

I wonder if his parent's ever sued?

90's Fashion

Oh boy. These were hard times.... We made so many fashion mistakes I can hardly include them all in one post.

And the guys made just as many blunders as the ladies.

Let's just get right into it because I'm trying to type before my manager sneaks into my office. (we can't close the doors)

Avirex jackets


crocheted tops and vests

the long chroceted vests with the one button in front.

combat boots with spandex and tube socks


skorts


wraparound shades -oakleys


raiders coats


bandanas


airbrushed clothes


platform sneakers


clear purses


bindi's


mini back pack purses


British Knights and L.A. Gears


body shirts that snapped together at the crotch


hoop earrings


box braids


Black cartoon character shirts i.e. Black Bart Simpson shirts

Don't have a cow man!

Wallabees


Fila's (I loved loved loved! my Grant Hill's)


hockey jerseys


basketball jerseys became popular


pagers - mine looked exactly like this one


the old grey Motorola cellphones


other notable mentions:

shirts with ruffles on the collar and sleeves, capri pants, hip huggers
caps with the tags still on it, flannel shirts paco jeans, baby tees, Blossom hats
army fatigue, halter tops, pleated skirts, shirts with singers/rappers on them (although I'd still rock a Tupac "I Get Around" T-Shirt.

scrunchies, fingerwaves, black lipstick, rings on every finger, bell bottoms,
white eyeliner, Karl Kani, colorful sweatsuits, windbreaker sets, platform shoes, silver coats, jumpers, gang beads, black lipliner - although Kim Mathers took this well into the new millenium!

straight leg jeans with splits at the ankle - some with little bows in back
flourescent colored tights, tights with the lace at the bottom, shoes with big ribbons for laces, dress shoes with laces!

8 Ball jackets, jeans with the leather on the front only, Cross Colours
biker shorts, and baby doll shirts/dresses

Rottweilers

Why were Rottweilers so popular in the 90's? And this was before DMX came out too. I remember everbody had a Rottweiller back when I was a kid.

And it wasn't because people loved dogs because some of these dogs were mistreated. I remember my stepfather owning one and showing him off by having him jump back and forth over the chain link fence that was supposed to protect our rundown apartment building.

Well, Max (that was his name), made the jump quite a few times but had to retire after ripping his balls off on the last attempt.

I don't think my stepfather felt bad either. Anyway, someone ended up stealing Max. The people who stole him actually had the audacity to walk around the neighborhood with him. So one day my stepfather saw these people walking along and he calls out to Max. Max turns his head and runs to him. My stepfather then took him home.

I actually think this story is a complete and total lie. I think he leased Max to these people for some crack. But that's just the way my mind works.

Reminds me of the time he took my homemade tapes of Living Single and Martin and sold them. He made someone very happy that day...I miss those damn tapes. And he sold the Earth Wind and Fire eight tracks!! How could you do that?

Yeah, I'm one of those people...

Wal-Mart Stores is shutting down the automated system that creates movie recommendations on its shopping website after the system randomly linked a Planet of the Apes DVD to films about African-Americans including Martin Luther King Jr., the company said Thursday.

Under "Similar Items," the page linked shoppers to four movies about the lives of the slain civil-rights leader, actress Dorothy Dandridge, boxer Jack Johnson and singer Tina Turner. It was manually changed by 5:30 p.m. CT to link shoppers instead to DVD sets of Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond and Star Wars.

And right before Martin Luther King Day. Tsk Tsk.

This reminds of the time where I saw an ad for the game Scrabble. I can't remember if it was a Walmart circular but the Scrabble game had some really offensive words spelled out on the board.

Nigga please. Things like this are far from coincidental. Incidents such as this are just clever tactics used to display the racists attitudes that still exist today. Yeah, sure alot of people have open minds today but that's for the public. You'd be surprised at how many of us are openly racist in private.

For example. My mom has always called Brazil nuts nigger toes.
I asked another black person at my job if they'd ever heard of nigger toes and they said no. However, a white chick overheard the question and over-zealously responded that she's not only familiar with the term but her family uses it all the time!

I was appalled to say the least.

All this reminds me of when I was in high school. I was the light skinned chick Black Panther Party chick who saw racism in practically everything. No, I didn't talk about things like, why must I go coo-coo for cocoa puffs or the why must the white ball dominate the black ball in a game of pool... No. I wasn't THAT person.

There was an incident where a black kid and a white kid were joking around. This conversation was anything but racial but the black kid unwittingly said to the white kid, "aw, go 'head wit dat nigga". Another white kid piped in saying, "how are you going to call him 'nigga'"

The black kid laughed it off and the conversation ended there. I pulled him aside and asked if he realized how racist that last comment was. He said no. I explained to him that the white kid figured you're considered more of a nigger because you're black.

He looked at me like I was a light bulb. He thought about it and said, "You think too much. You're one of 'those people'".

The Coal Miner Tragedy

Coal mining is the extraction of coal from the Earth for use as fuel. Those men and women who take on the task of mining, are aware of the many hazards involved. Chronic lung diseases, such as pneumoconiosis (black lung) are common in miners, leading to reduced life expectancy. Black damp, a mixture of carbon dioxide and nitrogen in a mine can cause suffocation. There have been many deaths related to the safety conditions that exist in mines around the world.

It was only two months ago that 161 miners died in a China coal mining explosion. Officials reported that the families would receive $25,000 in compensation.

*sidebar* What?! $25,000 to compensate for a persons life? Oh hell to the naw!



In all seriousness...

The coal miner tragedy in West Virginia caused quite a stir in the headlines this week. For 44 torturous hours, hopeful family, friends, and an entire nation waited.

And waited.

It was an unfortunate and horrid turn of events when the families of the victims were at first told that all but one of the miners were alive - only to be informed three hours later that they were actually dead.

Through tear streaked faces, angry outbursts, and sorrow-filled cries the families expressed their outrage.



"Why were we lied to," a family member said. "We got our hopes built up - you just don't do that to people."

Now they're saying there were notes left behind. How convenient that after this blunder there are notes scribbled during the miners final hours to soothe the heartache thier families were bound to feel. I wouldn't be surprised if someone forged these notes.

One of the notes allegedly said, "It wasn't bad. I just went to sleep. I love you."

Sounds like something you write AFTER you do something. It would make sense to write "I'm going to sleep". No names of family members are specified. The only way they were able to determine whose note belonged to whom was because the notes were found on the bodies. Hmmm. Also convenient.

They also determined that several notes were found and *gasp!* written with the same pen! Oh my. Do they think we're dumb? I wouldn't be surprised if they all had the same handwritting too....

Happy New Year?

When do people stop saying "Happy New Year"? I mean, come on people, it's starting to sound ridiculous. Yeah, it's 2006 but it's also Thursday - one more day until the first Friday of the year.

Speaking of first Friday, there is an event happening tomorrow at the casino and I had planned on attending but my plans have changed. First of all, I found out it will cost $50 to get in. Secondly, I have glasses now. I aint wearing glasses with fishnet stockings.

I'm having the lasik eye surgery in a couple of weeks and you're not supposed to wear contacts. So I hastily purchased a pair of the cheapest glasses money could buy. They look ok.

Anyway, I accomplished more firsts before leaving 2005 behind. I went to a sushi bar for the first time, I ate swordfish for the first time, and I ate with chopsticks for the first time! Kane was more of an expert at this than I but I quickly caught on much to his amusement. It took me a long time to eat though.

A lot of people had to cancel their New Year's Eve plans due to the snowy weather we experienced but that didn't stop us. Plus it wasn't snowing in New York.

We're supposed to go on a ski trip next week. That should be eventful. I've never been skiing (surprise! surprise!) so it will be another accomplishment to start off the new year.

I just thought of something. It's 2006. Three more years until my high school reunion. That means, three more years before people start saying, "I thought she was dead."

I know, it sounds gruesome and harsh but the reality is that I try to stay out of the spotlight. I don't like being spotted by old high school acquaintances. Out of sight, out of mind. And if I see someone from back then in aisle six at the supermarket, I quickly scurry over to aisle eighteen. I don't want them looking at the items in my cart like, "Hmmm. Diapers, condoms, douche, and salisbury steak, huh. I knew she was a freak."

I mean, who the f@#$ eats salisbury steak?