I'll be gone 'til November

I don't plan on writing any posts this weekend but I'll have plenty to tell you guys when I return. I have a plethora of events to attend this weekend and I'm sure you will want to hear all about it. Am I right? I better be.

As I mentioned before, I'm going to a masquerade ball hosted by DJ Kid Capri. Saturday evening there is a halloween party at Foxwoods Casino- I will be Rudy Huxtable. Sunday I will attending church to repent for whatever I happened to get my self into Friday and Saturday night. Monday is halloween and I will taking my son to the mall to trick or treat. It's much too cold to be outside this time of year.

So, that will be my weekend but you won't read about it until Tuesday.

I've been preoccupied with many things this week. It's not good to worry and stress over things but I really need some extra money.

Maybe talking about other people with take my mind off my own problems.

Did anyone watch Everybody Hates Chris last night? Well, it was hilarious. The part that I really enjoyed and could relate to was Chris' father and the cheap halloween candy. Whoever heard of Butterthumbs, Nickers, The Two Muscateers and of course Gravy Way, (Just like a milky way but tastes like
gravy.)



Yeah, that definitely cheered me up...

Scared Money Don't Make Money

At least that's what the hustlers tell me. I need money. It's as simple as that. I'm not flat broke at the moment but trust me, I will be. So, in order to stay ahead of the game, I need to get a second job.

I thought about stripping but I can't dance. The next best thing would be to bartend. I looked into bartender training and it seems promising. The only thing is the course costs about $400. I should just splurge on it right? Scared money don't make money....I may be able to afford it in about 5 months.

Everyone seems to be hiring for seasonal jobs. I might try to work at a department store in the mall or something but I'll just spend all my extra money before I even get to work. I'm addicted to shopping and one of the things I do to curb that appetite is stay out of the mall.

But, I must say I'm not doing a great job at saving money. I took my son to the circus, I bought tickets to a Lyfe concert, and I'm going to a masquerade ball tomorrow night.

I'm going to the ball as a madame. I got the black teardrop hat with the black veil, black satin suit with leopard fur trim, black satin gloves, and black cane. I'm pimpin' homey!

I'm gonna have my makeup done at the Mac makeup counter in Filene's and I'm going for an ultra dramatic look. Too bad the camera in my phone broke, I would send pictures to the site. Oh well.

Anyway, someone please send me ideas on how to make extra money. Or tell me where I can get dance lessons so I can get this stripper thang poppin'...

Rosa Parks

This woman helped trigger the 381-day Montgomery bus boycott, organized by a then little-known Baptist minister, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who later earned the Nobel Peace Prize for his work.

Everyone is familiar with the story of Rosa Parks. She refused to give up her seat on the bus and was arrested for her defiance. In her own words, she "felt that she had a right to be treated as any other passenger."

Soon after, Parks had trouble finding work in Alabama and eventually moved to Detroit with her husband. There she worked as an aide in the Detroit office of Democratic U.S. Rep. John Conyers from 1965 until retiring in 1988.

The city has a street and a middle school named after her in her honor. Among many accolades, she was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor, the nations highest civilian honor.

Rosa Parks died Monday evening of natural causes. She was 92 years old.

My 100th Post!!!

Go fetch the good china, it's my one-hundredth post guys!!!

First and foremost, I'd like to thank God because I couldn't have done it without her.

I'd like to thank Fresh Kidd for being the very first person to read my website via email. It was in the beginning stages but you said it was cool and creative. Remember it was http://cockpushups.blogspot.com

Smurfette, for being a die-hard fan and loyal reader who leaves the most comments ever! I miss your blog, by the way.

Dollface, for supporting me behind the scenes. Although you left me sloppy drunk to fend for myself Sunday morning, I appreciate your words of encouragement when it comes to my blog.

The Kidd, you are the best when it comes to leaving comments that are funnier than my posts!! Update your blog by the way. The internet needs you!

Syn, I forgive you for falling off the face of the earth. We all have our moments and I miss your comments and your blog. Even the Darkwaters Ent. site is down. I will be here when you return. Get your blog game up homie.

And last but not least, to all you lurkers out there that read my site and silently keep it movin'. I know ya'll out there because my hits counter keeps going up and I just want to thank you for keeping me motivated.

I've been thinking...

Now that I'm a year older than I was a few days ago (does that make sense?), I've been thinking heavily about the direction in which my life is going.

And I've come to the conclusion that things aren't happening fast enough for me. I make too many decisions and then forget about them. I may act on a few things but for the most part, many of my decisions fall by the wayside.

So, I've come up with a three-fold plan. And the first step is to stick with the plan. I have a quote that I read every morning when I get to work: "Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret to success."
Instead of changing my mind all the time, I need to keep choosing the same things.

The next step is to be like the Samurai warriors. No, I'm not gonna practice seppuku if I burn my grits. I want the type of discipline they possess. Ok, maybe Samurai warrior is too strong of an example but there are too many natural stresses that we have to deal with in life.

For example, waking up early, brushing your teeth, taking a shower, etc. I want to be more disciplined in those areas. I want to rise early and get out of the bed with a purpose. Waking up to the day as though it were a privilege that not everyone is afforded (which IS 100% true, by the way). I want to do these tasks everyone morning at around the same time. I want structure and routine in my life!

Are you with me?

Anyway, the third step is have fun. I can't lose sight of my goals but at the same time I can't become so caught up in ideas that I can't see the forest for the trees. (what the hell does that mean anyway?)

With that said, I've decided to become a stripper...and self-educate myself in the field of psychology.

I want to be the founder of an innovative new type of stress-relief treatment I call "strip therapy". You better not steal my idea, whoever you are that might be thinking such thoughts!

This is serious business. Think about it. You can lay on the couch and I'll play Uncle Luke songs in the background. Or, R. Kelly's Seems Like You're Ready. Do a little dance, make a little love... you know the rest. Wouldn't that get you relaxed?

My First Roller Skating Experience

Ok, I know what you're thinking. No, I haven't been under a rock. No, I haven't been in prison. And no, I did not get abducted by aliens.

I just never had an opportunity to go skating. I've been to a roller skating rink before as a child but I didn't get a chance to skate.

But I had a wonderful time. I did not fall on my own, I got clipped quite a few times and my back, legs, and arms are still sore.

Nothing more to say about that...

That was Friday night/Saturday morning because the event was from 12am-3:30am. Saturday night I went to Club Alchemy which is a place you cannot frequent but I've only been there once before and that was months ago.

So, I have my usual sex on a beach and I get kinda tipsy. The bartender gave me an actual straw with my drink which has never happened to me before because it was like one of those 7-11 Big Gulp straws. And I'm not a drinker but I see this straw and absentmindedly inhale my drink within 2 minutes.

Then I met a guy who tells me how pretty I am and how much he wants me. He asked me if I wanted a drink and I say yes. The bartender brings me another sex on a beach (is it sex on a beach or sex on the beach?) Again, theres a big straw in it and I drink this one in 1 minute.

I think I invited about 5 guys to my place that night. Luckily I wasn't that drunk and realized that I was using poor judgement so I went home by myself that night.

My best friend drove and I use the word "best" loosely because she did something I won't forget. She had absolutely nothing to drink that night and she kept saying how drunk I was...but when we got to her house and I got in my car to drive 20 minutes back home, she said absolutely nothing.

She did not offer to let me sleep off some of the drunken whoredness, she did not offer to drive me home and spend the night at my house, she didn't offer to drop me off home and then I can pick up my car the next day - nothing! HAS SHE EVER HEARD THE SLOGAN "FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS DRINK AND DRIVE"?!?!?!

Well, as you can see, I make it home in one piece but no thanks to her.

I've made a decision to never get drunk again. I thought I had people around me that would look out for me but I was wrong. From now on, I'll have to look out for myself and I have to be sober to do a good job at that.

Omigod, I'm getting old!!!!!!

It's my birthday, by the way....

I'm 24 now. Whoopee.

What does UHF stand for?

ultra-high frequency. And in case you were wondering, VHF means very-high frequency.

The reason I bring this up is because I remember watching TV at a young age on the television with the rabbit ear antennas and the dial that rotated with the familiar "clicks". I remember watching cartoons on channel 2 on the weekends and movies on channel 8. Channel 13 always had the guy who painted the "happy trees" or Kunta hosting Reading Rainbow.

We didn't have cable but for some strange reason, I used to watch Double Dare and Finders Keepers after school. It may not seem strange to you but didn't those shows used to come on Nickelodeon?

It's very embarrasing to grow up without cable tv. Everybody at school's talking about who was on Def Comedy Jam last night and the latest video on MTV. I just pretended I wasn't interested in such things.

But then I got smart. I'd go to my cousins house and watch the Mickey Mouse Club and Kids Incorporated around 5pm and stay the night and catch videos and go to school with all my new ground breaking information.

But then things took a turn for the worse. Our phone got shut off. That had to be more embarrasing than no cable!

Then, when the phone finally got back on, we didn't have all the features that everyone else had. For example, there was no "clicking over" on our phone. My friend would say, "click over and call so and so" and I'd act like I didn't know how to do it.

I was so ungrateful.

One year, my mom had to get rid of me and my sisters twin beds. Someone donated beds to us but they weren't just any old beds. These were top of the line hospital beds! Yes, they were equipped with a remote for the tv and everything. The best feature was being able to lift the head and foot of the bed. But I never invited people over because I'm sure they'd assume my sister and I had some kind of terminal illness no one knew about.

And people are just too polite to ask. No, they simply keep it to themselves until you turn your back so they can talk about you.

Roaches in the Cereal Box

I had a recent conversation with my friend and somehow the subject of my fascinating childhood came up. I told her about how poor we were and how creative we used to get when it came to finding food to eat on the weekends.

She said the most profound thing; she never suspects that light skinned people go through these types of things.

Hmmm. Let me enlighten those who may have thought I always lived such a "plush" lifestyle.

Reader discretion is advised.

Sometimes we'd steal corn from the corn field down the road and slice the kernels off into a frying pan. Mix it up with butter and fry it until it was burnt and crispy. Sprinkle madd salt on it and you were good to go.

For some reason, my grandma used to always keep a bag of coconut in the cabinet. I had a habit of pinching coconut out of the bag throughout the day and she never noticed some of it was missing when she was ready to use it.

Then there was the sugar toast. We'd toast bread and sprinkle sugar on it. Delicious! And don't forget sugar water and sugar milk....

That reminds me of the times we'd run out of milk and have to eat our cereal with water. You had to use alot of sugar to camoflauge the taste... This works best with cornflakes.

I remember the first time we had to chase roaches out the cereal box. There were so many of them!! But it was all we had to eat before going to school and we just sat at the table with the saddest looks on our faces. That would not be the last time we had to do that...

One morning, my grandmother made a big pan full of eggs. They were so fluffy and yellow. But, a huge roach had crawled into the edge of the pan and died on the side of the eggs. I saw my grandmother non chalantly scoop it out and fed everyone the eggs anyway. She told me to keep quiet so I know she knew that wasn't right...

to be continued...

my first casino trip

Yeah, in my effort to accomplish many "firsts" before the year is over, I went to a casino for the first time! I went to Foxwoods to see Steve Harvey so I also saw a live comedy show and a celebrity for the first time.

After the show my friend and I went to a nightclub located down the hall from the show and partied until 2 am. I actually got home around 5-ish but it was all worth it.

I did something really stupid though. I left my purse in the car to reduce the amount of "stuff" I had to carry around, and my ID was in there. So we're waiting in line to get into the club and when it's our turn I realize that I don't have my ID.

I explain to the bouncer that I'm over 21 and was not planning on drinking. He checked with his superiors and said no. At this point my friend starts rummaging through her purse and says I think I have your ID. She hands me her mom's ID and I give this to the bouncer.

He takes a look at me and asks me, "Is this you?" I just smiled as if to say, "Yes, it's me tonight. I'm a 50 year old woman. Can you just use this to cover your ass?" He shows it to his superior and just when it looks like they're about to kick me and my friend out of the casino, I hop the rope and tell them I'll be back with my real ID.

I didn't realize that it was actually 7 miles from the bar to the car.

When I finally return, the place is packed, I'm sweating like a runaway slave, my feet are killing me, and I realize that I left my money in my purse which is in the car!

I had just enough money in my pocket to get in. No money to drink. I probably had a better time sober anyway.

There was a really nice guy who approached me, not to tell me how pretty he thought I was or to get my phone number, but to instead tell me that he broke his nose in two places.

His nose looked fine, and in case I didn't believe him, he shows me pictures of himself right after it had happened. There was blood all over his face! And this was right in the middle of the dance floor...

Of course, I had to ask him what happened. Apparently, he was in a bar fight. Someone hit him across the face with a chair, broke a bottle in his face, and hit him with the chair again.

I guess that's the most interesting thing that's ever happened to him because why else would he walk around showing females pictures of himself all bruised and bloody?

Did I gamble for the first time? Hell yeah! I met a really cute guy named Joey who gave me money to play a slot machine. I lost. But hey, he was sexy, we exchanged numbers and I gave him this here web address so maybe he'll visit. Actually, we did more than that but what happens in Mashantucket stays in Mashantucket.

Wait. Maybe I shouldn't have given him this web address. He's gonna think I'm nuts...

I should've taken pictures.

And Steve Harvey was NOT that funny. But, I had a really good time.

Five Do's and Don'ts when getting your a$$ whupped

Every now and then I try to give back to the community. You know, 'cuz I keeps it real. So here's five do's and don'ts when getting your ass whupped, hope this helps!

1. Cry like you've never cried before. This MIGHT reduce the harshness of your beating. A little sympathy can go a long way.

2. When your momma asks YOU to go get your OWN switch, don't come back with the tiniest, softest stick you can find. Because she'll just ask you to go back outside and get six more of those and then BRAID them together.

3. NEVER GRAB THE BELT! Self-explanatory.

4. Try to throw up if at all possible. On second thought, you might get it worse for messing up the carpet.

5. Don't say "I can't breathe." No one will ever believe you.

When I was a kid...Part VI

I truly hope that's how you write "six" in ramen noodles - I mean, Roman numerals.

Fight, fight! A nigger and a white!

Who grew up on pseudo-nursery rhymes such as these? Not that you would want to recite these to your newborn baby but these kids learn these songs from somewhere...

Remember the one that went,
I like coffee, I like tea. I like a nigger-boy and he likes me. So jump back white boy, you don't shine. I'll get a nigger-boy to beat your behind. He'll beat it rough, he'll beat it tough. He'll beat it 'til you had enough. Last night, the night befo', I met my boyfriend at the candy sto'. He bought me ice cream, he bought me cake. He brought me home with a belly ache. Momma, Momma I feel sick. Call the doctor quick, quick, QUICK! Doctor, Doctor will I die? He said "all you have to do is count to five." One, two, three, four, five -I'm alive!

then there were some that did not contain racial slurs. But they were no better. Check this one out:
Everybody's doing it, doing it, doing it.
Picking their nose and chewing it, chewing it, chewing it.
Thinking it's candy, but really it's not.
It's a hot snot sundae with a booger on top.

"A hot snot sundae"? How creative!
and...

Yankee Doodle went to town
riding on his mother.
Every time he hit a bump
he had a baby brother.
or
Yankee Doodle went to town
riding on a rockit.
Stuck his finger up his butt
and found some Hershey Chocolate

Did people really use socks for condoms before they were invented? Maybe they used panty hose?