The Free Pregnancy Test

I know you've seen the pregnancy tests that give you the extra free test. Why on earth would anyone need an extra pregnancy test? What kind of under the hood rat buys these?! I would think if you almost got pregnant once, you'd be a little more cautious the second time around. But no... you end up using the test the very next month. Or so I've heard.

Then there are those who test and get the results, but somehow feel the need to re-test. You complete waste of bones! (my, what an interesting pun) Next time (and there will be a next time), use a little more restraint and make him wear a condom... hey, they ARE tested on animals. Save that extra test for your even sluttier friend who has a lifetime refill for the emergency contraceptive pill.

And then you see the pregnancy test with TWO free tests inside. Need I say more?

http://plannedparenthood.com Oh, and get tested. Have them check everything from HIV to rabies...cough-cough, woof-woof.

Whatever Happened To...? Part II

Soul 4 Real


The next Jackson 5...the first B2K. What happened to this group? All I remember is lots of finger snappin' and head noddin'....a spin here and a spin there. I vaguely recall white t-shirts and black vests...big foreheads and wide noses. Vaguely.

Lords of the Underground


Boom shak-a-laka #1 chief rocka! Doitall, Mr. Funke and DJ Lord Jazz released three hit singles back to back..Psycho, Funky Child, and Chief Rocka. This was back in '93 and since that time, Lords of the Underground has released two more albums. Neither would reach the success of their debut, Here Come the Lords. Is it even possible for them to make a comeback nowadays?

Big Daddy Kane


King Asiatic Nobody's Equal...or something like that. Ah, those five percenters...so complex. What happened to him? To be honest the last time I saw him on TV was during a Madonna special where they showed him sprawled out in her Sex Book. I still blast his 1989 album, It's A Big Daddy Thing though... you can never get enough old school. Plus, Smooth Operator is my favorite. And I absolutely love the new jack swing style of "I Get the Job Done".

Dolemite


At the age of one he was drinkin' whiskey and gin.
At the age of two he was eating the bottles it came in.
Now Dolemite had an Uncle called "Sudden Death".
Killed a dozen bad men from the smell of his breath.
The least explicit lines I could find..I have to keep it clean 'cuz you know Marty Mar love the kids...
But when's the last time you heard from this cat? He's probably doing shows or whatever but I really wonder how he's doing. Anyway...

Shyheim


AKA The Rugged Child. He was the youngest member of the Wu-Tang Clan and yes I had a crush on him. I really have to go find his album because his debut single, On and On had a classic feel to it that brings back all kinds of memories.
The year was 1994 and Shyheim was only 14 years old. And for those who don't know, please check out his collaboration with the late, great Big L titled, Furious Anger.

Zhane'


Hip Hop's equivilant of Ace of Bass. Where every song sounds strikingly similar...(check out my illiteration, son!) 1993 was the year this duo saw their success blossom into...well 3 maybe 4 hit wonderland? Anyway, the last time I saw these two they were guest starring on New York Undercover - remember that show? Yo, that show was dope! What's Malik Yoba doing? Remember the episode where they had to dress up like drag queens?! But I digress. Then I saw them in the Biggie video, Big Poppa. Then....nothing. Poof! They just up and disappeared. They're probably producing tracks for artists overseas or something. Loved the short haircuts ladies.

You know I'm not gon' dis you on the internet...Part I

My apologies to you... in advance.

I've done some mean things over the years and this is my public apology to those I have hurt/offended/pissed off etc. etc. all the above and so on and so forth.

Lets start with someone who will immediately know who they are once I finish telling this story.
Yesterday someone asked me how you were doing and they also made a disturbing comment about the number of children you have fathered these past few months. They quickly recanted their statement saying and I quote, "I shouldn't have said that; he's a grown man." To which I replied, "No he's not. He's a man but he hasn't grown in years."

I really hope you're not reading this. Then again, your probably not because you have to be over 5 ft to ride this roller coaster. You probably can't even reach the keyboard for that matter... I really hope you're not reading this...

On to bigger and better things...

That was mean. But nothing compares to what I did in the fifth grade. I had a best friend that I always sat with on the bus and we stuck together when we went on field trips and such. I must confess that I liked being with her on field trips because while my mom used to give me $2 for these trips, her parents would give her $20.

On the way back from one trip, she had $5 left and happened to lose it. At least she thought she did. I actually saw it lying next to her while she was asleep on the bus. I picked it up and put it in my pocket. Hey, it's not like I stole it right? Right?

I don't think that was stealing.

Anyway, I ended up acting like I found it. I gave it to her and we became even closer friends because of it - until I tripped her during a race a few days later. Hey, I was tired of coming in second place all the time!

But that wasn't stealing was it? I should've kept the money.

50 cents worth of ham

Recently I found a $1 food stamp in my house and it brought back a whole sleu of memories from my childhood. I remember walking to school every morning and buying penny candy... the small swedish fish was my favorite. It was either that or sour patch kids.

I remember buying the quarter juices and then they came out with the 50 cent ones that were in small gallon shaped bottles. This never really caught on in my opinion...too big to carry around. Too novelty-looking... or something like that.

But the food stamps were embarrasing! They were real generic looking and they made me feel like I was NEVER gonna have real money.

The design just screamed government assistance.

But then when my mom ran out she would ask me to go to the store anyway and ask for a store credit. I would humble myself and hand over a note to the cashier that said God knows what, and wait. He gave me this pitiful glance and brought back 50 cents worth of ham, 50 cents worth of cheese, a small bag of peanuts, a Coke and a box of Newports - because my mom had her priorities straight, you know? (sorry mom)

Now, you'd think $1 worth of ham and cheese can't possibly feed a family of 5 but trust me it did. The secret was to slice the ham and cheese really thin - so you never really tasted anything but you chased it with some kool-aid and you didn't feel hungry anymore. And that is what's important.

But back to this store credit thing because eventually 50 cents worth of ham can really add up. One day I walked in with a note and the store owner said, "Hell no!"
He pointed to a homemade sign on the wall with a bunch of names on it. My mothers name was third on the list - in bold. My mom was so mad she never paid him the money. Her name stayed up there a long time. I believe Lowell Weicker was the governor back then...lowsy governor but that's another story.

I was really unappreciative in those days because I remember bitching about people knowing I was on welfare because I got free lunch. These days I'd do anything for a free lunch......anything.

I wonder what that food stamp is worth...

Boiled Peanuts

Everytime I go "down south", it seems that no matter how much time has passed since my last visit - nothing ever changes...until now.

There's a gas station/convenient store called Monk's Corner that's located on a major road in Johnston, SC. (I could spend all day joking about that name but I will kindly pass up the opportunity) It's become a family tradition to make this stop every time we go down there. I used to always buy a chili dog because it's something about that southern chilli and the red hot dogs and sausages that is soooo good.

OK. I have a confession to make. Currently, I eat healthy food as much as possible. I also try to eat organic food whenever I can and stay away from pork and most red meats. Back in the day, when I used to eat pork, I ate pig feet from Monk's Corner. They would have a HUGE jar with a few pig feet that seemed to be sitting in there for years and years. The vinegar or whatever type of juices they had the pig feet floating in was very murky and filthy looking.

I could almost taste it right now -even though it's been years.

I remember not really eating the entire pig's feet. Someone would buy one and all I would want is the little piece of tender meat right next to the pinky toe. I recently mentioned this to someone and they suggested that maybe that piece of meat was not meat at all, but a corn or callous of some sort. I almost puked.

Maybe I shouldn't be saying this...

The last time I went down there was a couple of years ago and I must say it was not the same. Apparently, someone had bought Monk's Corner (but never changed the name) and revamped the store to make it look more "modern." The dusty Pac-Man and Centipede arcade games? Gone! The Georgia Hots? Gone! The hot dogs were still there but the chilli was never the same..yuk. The pig feet were gone too!! What kind of southern corner store are you when you don't have pig feet and chik-o-sticks???

Anyway the nigger toes were still in stock and lo and behold the boiled peanuts were still for sale too...in little baggies way in the back. I always wondered why they would put the peanuts in the fridge among the quarter waters and fifty-cent sodas?

One year, when I was about 14, I made an honest mistake of using the men's bathroom at Monk's Corner. I found a vending machine that was unlike any I'd ever seen. It didn't sell soda or snacks..it didn't sell hygiene products either..it sold things that I'd only heard about on T.V.
But I won't bore you with such details... maybe another day...

Don't you hate it when...

Don't you just hate it when you're in the grocery store and people find it necessary to look into your shopping cart?

This drives me crazy.

I was in Walmart last night and the shoppers were vicious. No one was paying attention to where they were going. I had to navigate my way around some half-wits and give others dirty looks because they seemed to find the items in my cart particularly interesting.

Yeah I picked up a pregnancy test, some K-Y Jelly, condoms, a porterhouse steak and a box of Monistat-7, but that doesn't give you permission to not so subtly gawk at my selections.

Maybe it was the steak. I am really petite so maybe they were wondering if I was gonna eat it all by myself...or maybe it was like the Imus In The Morning game, which doesn't belong and why?


Over 99% accurate. Not for internal use.

Creates a warming sensation on contact. Truly, it does!

Special reservoir end...Tested on animals!

Succulent, juicy, tender. Makes you want to lick the butcher's fingers...

In case of accidental ingestion please seek psychological help.

2005 All Star Dunk Contest

This year's NBA All Star Game held in Denver, CO was packed with all star quality. I will briefly mention the three-point shootout contest, won by Phoenix Suns star, Quentin Richardson. The Suns took 3 out of the 4 events but it was the young kid from the ATL, Josh Smith of the Atlanta Hawks, that made me proud to be an NBA fan. The reason I watch the NBA is because of players like him.

The judges were from the original slam dunk contest, Artis Gilmore, Larry Kenon, George Gervin, David Thompson and Julius Erving aka Dr. J.

For one of his first attempts, Smith had Denver Nuggets player Kenyon Martin sit in a chair and throw the ball up as he jumped over him, he did a windmill and made the left hand dunk! Ten's all around by the judges. When he made that dunk I sat up and took notice. I was so enthralled by the replays I think he got me pregnant.


Amare Stoudemire of the Phoenix Suns raised the creativity factor when he bounced the ball off the backboard, off teammate Steve Nash's head, the alley oop reverse and dunked it into the basket! I thought it couldn't get any better than that. Magic Johnson could only say, "The dunk contest is back!"

When Smith came back to prove his skills were still on point, he paid homage to Dominique Wilkins by putting on his throw back Hawks jersey and nailing 'Nique's Windmill Slam. He was able to make the dunk on his first attempt in perfect form. It was one thing to bring the jersey out but to make that dunk made the moment surreal as evidenced by the standing ovation by the crowd which included Wilkins.

Stoudemire comes back but the pressure is on after the Smith's nod to one of the NBA's most underrated players. Before he even made his first shot, Charles Barkley made a statement that Stoudemire "could not palm the ball or fly as well as Smith." He would go on to miss his first few attempts. He made the last one but received low scores. Afterwards, Dr. J., one the judges, said punctuation is key so if he'd made that dunk on his first attempt he'd have gotten a higher score. It was mediocre at best.

Smith answers to Stoudemire's weak attempt by coming back even stronger. His elevation and hang time was so on point I could only say to myself, after tonight everyone will know who this kid is...

Stoudemire tries his hardest to bring to life an idea of having Steve Nash sort of half kick, half flip the ball with his feet and then dunk it. "It started off looking difficult but when he finally made the dunk - it ended up looking simplistic," said Barkley. After three attempts- no one cared.

It came to no surprise that Josh Smith won this contest 100-87. Afterwards, during an interview, Smith had this to say about his Wilkins tribute dunk: "He didn't know that I was going to do that but I was going to do a dunk symbolizing what he did in his previous years." When asked if he thought Smith could fill his shoes Wilkins said, "He has his own shoes now. He shocked me."

I think everyone was surprised. If you saw it, you know what I'm talking about. If I remember correctly, Smith is the first rookie to win the slam dunk contest since Kobe Bryant took it home back in '97.

Smith grew up in Atlanta inspired by Wilkins, now future NBA stars will be inspired by him as well.

And that's what's up.

The Coldest Winter Ever...the movie!

Ok.... I've heard rumors that Sista Souljah's book, The Coldest Winter Ever, was going to be made into a movie. This got me super excited because while many of you may have read this book ages ago, I read it for the first time last year. (I actually saw Roots for the first time last year but that's another story)

I can't believe I just admitted to that.

Anyway, I read the book and not surprisingly, it was excellent. If you haven't read it go get it or you can just view a summary of the book - just copy and paste the following web address:
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?endeca=1&isbn=0613213637&itm=8
One of the best books I'd ever read. The storyline was so haunting that the images it brought forth lingered in my mind for weeks after I'd read it. Now imagine that book - those colorful characters and powerful words, being brought to life on screen.

I even heard that Jada Pinkett-Smith was pushing to get the production going on this movie. If this is true, she is a great actress and would probably be believable as the main character, Winter Santiaga. However, while Jada is pretty, she is also very petite; and if I recall correctly, Winter had some extra pounds in all the right places. This was a major part of her character as she valued her curvy physique more than anything else. With that said, I don't think Jada is particularly right for the role as Winter.

In my opinion, the book should be made into a mini-series of some sort..but that's just me.

I came up with a few names of famous actors and actresses that would be excellent in the movie, The Coldest Winter Ever.

Winter Santiaga
if Lil' Kim could act she might make a good Winter... yeah right. Seriously, Raven Simone or Alicia Keys can do this as a breakthrough role.
I think Beyonce or Ashanti could really pull this off too.
Christina Milian wouldn't be bad with all the movie role she's getting nowadays...
wait...check this out- what about Keisha Knight Pulliam from the Cosby Show??? That would be fire...

Santiaga
Big Brother Almighty from School Daze, Denzel or Allen Payne

Winter's mom
Vivica A. Fox or what the hell, Beyonce's mom :) Give her some shine! or Ashanti's mom for that matter... OR Lisa Raye

Midnight
Omar Epps or Mekhi Phifer or Talib Kweli or Tyson Beckford

Sista Soulja
as herself or Sanaa Lathan

Bullet
Tupac - if he were alive or Morris Chestnut or Camron
this could also be a breakthrough role for Nick Cannon...

Winter's friend aka the booster
Eve or Maia Campbell

Ok that's enough for now- who do YOU think we be good in this movie?

Whatever Happened To...?

J.J. Fadd


J.J. Fad made music for people who liked their rap laced with a lot of dance-pop and R&B. Supersonic would go on to become the groups biggest and only hit. The song went platinum and they were the first female rap group to be nominated for a Grammy award.
Not Just a Fad is a rather ironic title for the L.A. residents' second and final album.
By the time this CD came out in 1990, fans who bought 1988's Supersonic: The Album had seemingly lost interest in the threesome.

Bo$$


Dollar signs in the name and all. What happened to her?
She was signed to Def Jam back in the day but was abruptly dropped from the label. There is no animosity despite the sudden cold shoulder from Def Jam and Russell Simmons.
Last I heard she was trying to make a comeback but had a kidney transplant and was on dialysis.
But I'm a selfish kind of girl- GET YO' A$$ BACK IN THE STUDIO!...dollar signs and all.

Bo$$ in 2004


Gravediggaz


Four hot artists in their own right, Grym Reaper and Gatekeeper (Too Poetic of Brothers Grimm and Frutkwan of Stetsasonic) and the Rzarector (The RZA of Wu-Tang Clan). Along with The Undertaker a/k/a Dr. Strange (Prince Paul), they released 6 Feet Deep, one of the most slept upon albums in hip hop.

Prince Paul, former producer of De La Soul, brought this group together to "lyrically assault the minds of the mentally dead, digging graves for those who needed to be reborn."

The media tried to hype this up as a new phenomenon in hip-hop called Horrorcore, which in my opinion turned off record labels and stunted this groups success.

Das Efx


Chiggity check this out! Diggity Das Efiggity fexitty...in case you haven't noticed, I'm not too good with the -iggity "language" - pardon me.
The group was discovered by EPMD and released their debut album in 1992 titled, Dead Serious. The single, "They Want EFX," was a Top 40 pop hit and a Top Ten R&B hit. How it was a top ten R&B hit is beyond me...I'm not even gonna rack my brain on that one..

Black Moon


Ok. I used to have a huge crush on Buckshot...and his voice...mmmmm mmmmm good.
Let's be serious for a moment because I truly believe hip hop fans don't give this group enough respect. Buckshot and 5FT on the mic and DJ Evil Dee on the turntables, they were pioneers in hardcore rap.
With that said:

Got a call one late night from my nigga Thor
Tellin me Buckshot get ready prepare for war
On the streets I peep em in the swarm technique
So me and my peoples swarm wit heat
When this beef rule number one is dont panic
In the situation where niggas got automatics
And they bustin off
Im about to toss a couple of shots
And bust back at niggaz in parking lots
Even though its dark I know they comin for me
Slowly like a slow leak water dummy
Is you gone bust or is you gone hesitate
Gwone hesitate my niggaz bust and never wait
Nigga its on the war zone set to be loose
In a couple of minutes put the gun inside your goose

2005 Grammy Recap (sort of)

Ok..this is sort of a recap but more of a celebrity and fashion summary of the Grammy's. If you're looking for a play by play of the entire shabang- you've got the wrong person. Go do a google search or something...

Anyway, what was Anita Baker thinking??? It hurts me to say this because God knows, I love Anita. But she had on a black slip of some sort that slanted in the front. The slant caused one of her breasts to show and the shawl she had on kept falling off her shoulders and exposing the boob during her interview with Kathy Griffin. She had on absolutely no jewelry and her hair was a mess. I know this is her signature look but come on! A little oil sheen would have been nice..

Speaking of Kathy, she did a horrible job of co-hosting the pre-show on E!. She asked dumb questions like, "what would you do for a klondike bar?" and "who do you think will win Project Runway?"


She pissed Kanye West off by asking some stupid questions like, "I hear you're nominated are you excited?" His response was "Yeah, I guess..." He used most of the interview to show off his new haircut and pose like he was fresh out of jail. (He had some funky design cut into one side of his head.)


Star Jones did a much better job but was overshadowed by the big pit stain on her dress. Someone must have pointed this out because after a commercial break she had a different dress which was far less flattering but didn't have a sweat stain either. Too bad because her first dress was sooo nice.

Alicia Keys looked amazing! All I can say about her gorgeous dress was that I am suprised her butt crack did not show. It was crazy low in the back... The following pic is not the same dress but equally stunning...


Jay-Z was looking good in his purple polka-dot tie. Star interviewed him and he had already won a grammy for 99 Problems. I was happy for him but he said he was mainly there to support Kanye- especially since it cost alot of money for his performance. I couldn't wait to see what the buzz was all about... I was also relieved to see he did not have any earrings in his ears.
Beyonce sat next to him during the ceremony - she also looked lovely. Her hair did not look a hot mess....this time.


Ashanti also looked great but I had to wonder why everyone was so big on showing their boobs this year.. this is the Grammy's not the Golden Globes...



Star also interviewed Mellisa Etheridge and John Mayer. Mellisa looked exceptionally beautiful for just finishing her chemotherapy and as a result sporting a bald head. Her eyebrows were probably painted on but she looked healthy. John Mayer will go on to win the songwriters award for "Daughters".


Maroon 5 looked good..their interview was mainly about going from rags to riches. They reminisced about having no money in the ATM and having credit cards declined. This made me like them even more - the fame is still so new to them. Front man Adam Levine made a comment about downloading music that I found interesting. He said as long as you compensate the artist in some way; by buying a t-shirt, going to a concert, etc, it's ok to download the music. It only worries him when the person downloads but does not support the artist.


Usher was dripping in gold chains- taking us back to the 90's. He looked good but seemed a little cocky at times. Not surprisingly, James Brown said he's proud of Usher's success.


Sheryl Crow mentioned she'd like to do a song with a Alicia Keys. I really hope that happens.


Christina Milian looked nice- her dress was revealing but classy.


Joss Stone is really tall... her hair was all over her face during her interview but she also seemed to be fed up with Kathy Griffin's dumb questions. But her dress looked like she made it herself.


Eve looked very...red. Not sure what to think about this get-up...


Enough with the fashion and interviews..lets get to the ceremony.

The Black Eyed Peas were the first to perform and if you haven't guessed already, the song was "Let's Get It Started." Personally they should have had MC Hammer perform his earlier version of the song - he was there, wasn't he? Yes he was and he looked ridiculous with the army fatigue bandana and shearling coat.


But wait, now Gwen Stefani and Eve are performing... and then Maroon 5 and the list goes on..I started to wonder if all the performances were gonna be a the beginning of the show! But the Black Eyed Peas come back out and finish off their song and the show begins!

Queen Latifah is the host. She looks pretty. That's all I have to say about that.


Like I said, I love Alicia's dress and her performance was hott..had me in tears. Jaime Fox came out at the end to perform a Ray Charles tribute with her. He has an amazing voice- I've been a fan since Infatuation. (if you don't know what I'm talking about Jaime had a cd out back in the day..it's fire.)

Kanye lost in one of the categories and the cameras showed him sulking in the audience. The winners, Maroon 5 accept the award and lead singer, Adam says thanks to Kanye for being "unbelievable." The next shot shows Kanye giving a half smile but clearly still sulking.
His perfomance was tight and right afterwards he won his first award.

He said a lot of people asked him, "What are you gonna do if you don't win?" His answer was, "I guess we'll never know." The audience ate it up... He's cocky but I respect what he said about his accident. He says to live for the moment because the moment is all we have and nothing is promised except death. So true...

Ray Charles won 8 awards. It was emotional.


Tim McGraw performed "Live Like You Were Dying." After Kanye's speech and hearing that song - I felt like a new person. I also felt like I was wasting my life away taking notes about an award's show.

Usher's performance was less than what I'd expected but still good. Green Day was one of my favorites.. now I have to go out and buy the album, American Idiot..

Marc Anthony and JLo performed together for the first time, I believe. Marc Anthony sounded pretty good while JLo struggled with her notes. The stage was setup like a bedroom but it looked like the set of a spanish soap opera. I was expecting them to start fighting...


MORE PHOTOS:

EVE


John Legend


Gwen Stefani w/ dancers


Jill Scott


Janet Jackson


Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri


Jadakiss


Tyra Banks


Ludacris


Mos Def


Miri Ben-Ari

My first blog.

Well, I am new. This is my first time creating a blog and my first time posting something that ANYONE will have access to..if I'm understanding this whole thing.
If anybody has suggestions comments or advice please offer it..I have an open mind.
Let's get to the whole idea of blogging. I guess I'm supposed to say something personal...profound...thought-provoking even. Not now. Kids- I cant' even begin to tell you the stress I'm under at the moment. That is why I have turned to the world of Blog...I need a distraction...a place to vent.. Holy shit I'm doomed. I'm sitting here talking to no one and every one at the same time. Is this a step and half away from crazy? or am I there already? I'm not sure...

Help.

I am 23. I am girl...which you probably could not have guessed by my blog name- cock pushups. Oh that? That's just a nod to one of my favorite rock groups Tenacious D. I'm not a big rock fan and for those of you familiar with the D...it's just comedy.

I am silly at times.

I can be sarcastic...or not. I can be serious too. Trust me, I get deeper than your sneaker, homie.

I am 5 feet 2 inches and one hundred and ten pounds of pure redbone...

We'll talk more later.

Peace in the middle east...