Can you still smell the Similac on my breath?

Well, well, well.... The year is practically OVER! And as many of you are aware, I've accomplished many things this year. I've experienced a lot for the first time but I'm reluctant to update my profile.

I've danced in public for the first time in 7 years. That happened back in May when I went to a club for the first time. I actually went there dressed in a blazer and jeans- I had no idea of what to expect. All I know is that I liked checking out all the fly hairstyles. (yes, I said "fly")

I rode on a roller coaster for the first time!!! And no, contrary to popular belief, I did not just get released from prison.

Although I didn't swim in the ocean, I did sit in it when me and my friend went to Virginia Beach. And I took pictures to prove it. It was not only my first time in the ocean but my first time at the beach. I wore a bikini for the first time as well.

I still haven't gone fishing but I could have. There was a guy that wanted to buy my car so we exchanged phone numbers. Turns out, he really didn't want to buy it he just wanted my number. Sneaky son of a... anyway, to make it up to me he offered to fix my brakes and muffler among other things. Really nice guy - but other than that, just really not my type. What was my point? Oh, he liked to fish. And he offered to bring me along one day but I stopped calling and we never got to do it.

I'm 24 now and I've stopped eating cat vagina.

I still intend on seeing the world and judging by the direction my life has suddenly taken, I will be able to do just that.

Other "firsts" that I've done this year include: I moved into my first apartment that I have all to myself, purchased lots of brand new furniture, got a promotion at work, got my first french manicure/pedicure, wore stilettos, had my first taste of wine, actually had my first taste of alcohol (been drinking sex on a beach ever since), I took my son to the circus (it was a first for us both), we saw the Wiggles too!, went to a concert/show, got my first celebrity autograph, I went to the casino, gambled at a casino, went to a comedy show (Steve Harvey), went to a poetry cafe, read one of my poems in front of an audience, saw my first poetry slam, drove miles and miles to VA without family, saw a step show, rode in a stretch limo, created my first website, wrote for a big magazine, and....(drumroll please) saw Roots! (please, please, no applause - you're much to kind).

And that list can go on and on. So, you see, I've done a lot this year. And no, I'm not exhausted. I'm exhilarated actually. I can't wait to see what 2006 holds for me. I will create many memories and document them all so that you can laugh with me and not at me. Have you been laughing at me?

Anyway, I have some really good news. I can send pics to the site from my phone again! The camera on my phone was broken but last night my son was able to fix it. Not sure how but it takes pictures again. I wish it were working the night of Dons and Divas... But hey, the memory still exists in my head....and Wireimage.com And Getty Images....and other random websites that have been cruel enough to post my picture alongside the likes of the Queen of Hip Hop Soul Mary J. and the Kang of R&B Bobby Brown....that's comedy.

Well, that's it ya'll. I've spent a lot of time at work writing to you guys when I'm supposed to be working. If I get fired all I ask is that you guys send me some food stamps and Newport 100's in the box. (I don't smoke but I support my mama's habit - gotta keep her happy so she can baby-sit while I'm up in the club)

See ya next year!

I Have a Dream

"In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds."

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children."

Wow. As a journalist, I have to pay homage to one of the greatest speeches ever written. I don't feel the need to point out the clever wordplay and sharp metaphors. This man got busy when he spoke these famous words to the world.

Fabolous aint got nothin' on Martin Luther the King...

Dons and Divas 2005

Wendy Williams sure knows how to throw a party! Thursday night, Kane and I attended Dons and Divas All Black Party at Crobar in Manhattan hosted by Mary J. Blige (my idol lawd have mercy!) and Bobby Brown. First of all, Kane looked absolutely sexy in his full length grey fur with the matching fur hat. I had on a short black dress with a grey fur as well. Although I must admit that mine was fake : ) I also decided not to wear makeup - I actually never do and I didn't feel it was necessary to change that now.

We arrive in a white stretch limo (not sure what type of limo this was but I'm leaning towards Escalade?) Anyway, the red carpet had lots of photographers snapping pictures of us walking in and then they stopped us for interviews. It takes us about 20 minutes just to get to the VIP section because of all the people stopping to either talk, ask for autographs, or take more pictures. We finally make it to VIP and the first person Kane introduces me to is Bobby Brown.

Bobby kept bowing to me for some strange reason. I think he was drunk. But then....Mary J. Blige walks up to say hi to Kane and he introduces us. Mary shakes my hand, says hi and goes back to her seat. Kane takes my coat and gives it to someone who puts it right on top of Mary's fur! I said to myself, now they know that aint right. I hope no one notices how different the textures or sees my Forever 21 tag...

So Kane tells me to have a seat and he'll bring me something to drink. Well, he takes a very long time to return and I'm sure it was because of the multitude of horny women asking him to take pictures. But, I didn't mind one bit because I was sitting next to Mary J. Blige!!!!!! She's the only person I can get starstruck for because this lady has been a strong influence on me since 5th grade. I told her how I used to go to school dressed like her. But I made the mistake of not knowing that you're not supposed to wear what she wore in her videos and on stage in public. She laughed and introduced me to her husband and we talked some more. I told her how pretty she looks on her album cover and how I used to dye my hair whatever color she had but they would never come out right. She also checked out the tattoos on my arm - another Mary imitation!

Enough about Mary. I was also able to get onstage while Bobby performed. Then Trey Songz did his thing but it was my baby - Big Daddy Kane that tore it down when asked to do a few songs. We didn't plan on him performing but they started to play his music and the ladies started going crazy and Wendy was all amped in the background... I felt so proud like, "yup, that's my man right there!"

It was a great evening and we both enjoyed ourselves. There were ladies walking around in nothing but body paint and thongs, dancers in cute little white outfits, great music, huge crowd, five hour open bar, and I got two VIP gift bags. I gave alot of the items out of the bags as christmas gifts and everyone loved what they got. I kept a few things for myself too.

I found a few pictures online that I'd like to share but I must warn you, I look a hot mess in one of them...





You know I had to make it extra small but here is two pics of me and Kane.

'Tis the season to be broke...

It saddens me how some low income families ball out during the Christmas season. There will be lots of families with their lights or phones shut off because they spent all their money on x-boxes, bikes, and barbie dolls. And what sense does it make to get someone a bike when it's snowing outside? This seems to be the most popular gift for some reason!

But I digress. You can't even call some people on Christmas to wish them well because their phones are out of commission due to excessive spending. The things people risk to keep up with the Joneses. But they'll make sure their cable stays on...shoot, gotta watch that ball drop on New Year's Eve right?

Speaking of New Year's, I used to love it when they played the back to back episodes of Def Comedy Jam on HBO. I'm tempted to email HBO and request it. I used to record Def Comedy Jam but the tapes mysteriously disappeared. Hmmm.

My favorite Christmas was when my sister and I got a Super Nintendo. Luckily we had the Christmas vacation from school because we played Super Mario World nonstop! It's addicting. Come on - a mission to rescue a princess all the while riding on the back of a mini dinosaur named Yoshi. King Bowser has taken over every single castle in the kingdom. You race from castle to castle destroying it's inhabitants, defeating each Bowser cohort to eventually face Bowser himself and destroy him by using his own soldiers as deadly weapons. Do I sound like a geek?

Ooh, and don't let us discover a secret code or passage-way! When we discovered the secret world with stage names like Awesome and Tubular, I was kinda skeptical. But these were really difficult stages... But it was worth it to make all the enemies change and many of the colors change as well. And I remember discovering that if you carry a shell past the goal line it turns into a mushroom which gives you an extra life...you gotta love it. I especially loved the feather but I hated the haunted houses.

Am I boring some of you? Please forgive me. If I can just get a Super Nintendo, Atari, and Sega Genesis (for Sonic), I would quit my job and stayed locked in a room for hours.

I look way too good to be working here...

I'm not conceited, but I got a reason. : )

It's cold as ever outside and I've been wearing jeans to work every single day although dress down is only on Mondays and Fridays. Hey, when you're trying to chase down a five year old to keep him from playing in the snow all the while maneuvering a car seat holding a 20lb baby, you understand why I want to wear comfortable Ugg boots to work everyday. I'm sorry. Plus it's too much ice still on the ground and I already bust my a$$ twice. Don't tell nobody...

The higher ups and my job gave us these gifts of ugly coffee mugs and candy canes in a cute gift bag. I like the gift bag more than anything but I'm thinking about giving it to my boss for christmas. Then maybe she'll understand how ridiculous it is to give someone a coffee mug for christmas. I might keep the gift bag though.

What is it with these young kids wanting ultra expensive gifts for christmas? I remember when an expensive gift meant getting a pair of Jordan's or video game or something. My 18 year old cousin wants me to get her a rental for the christmas weekend. Sh!t, I'm the one that needs a rental. I'm about to tell her I'll rent myself a car and let her borrow my bucket for the weekend.

With that said...

See this ain't nothin that you used to
Out of the ordinary and unusual
You gotta have the mind state like I'm so great
And can't nobody do it like you do
Miraculous, phenomenal
And ain't nobody in here stoppin' you

Foxy Brown In A Deaf Jam

Foxy Brown is speaking out publicly about her hearing loss.

At a news conference in New York yesterday the rapper got emotional as she described her experience with a condition known as Severe Sudden Hearing Loss which can be triggered by a viral infection.

Flanked by her doctor, hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons, his wife, model Kimora Lee Simmons, hip-hop vet Doug E. Fresh, and model Tyson Beckford, Foxy said she had not heard the sound of another person's voice in more than six months and that she has spent "many confusing, agonizing nights crying in isolation and silence."

The rapper said she was hit with the setback while recording her album "Black Roses" back in May. Since then she has been communicating with others through handwritten notes and e-mails. Her doctor, Laura Arias, says Foxy will undergo surgery next month to reverse the hearing loss.

Arias says Brown is a "strong candidate for restoration" and is confident that she will hear again.

Must Be Lyfe

Before I start rambling about how Lyfe sang to me last night, let me first mention that I met Kane's parents on Saturday. Really nice people. I also met his brother who I can certainly see as a brother-in-law (did I just say that?!)

They opened their home to me which is greatly appreciated and Kane and I went Christmas shopping for the kids. Later that night he had a show which we went to after eating dinner. Styles, Jadakiss, and a new artist who calls himself Gravy all were in attendance and supposed to perform but there was a problem with the mics. But more importantly, he introduced me to everyone as his lady.

He calls me his Lil' Mama. How cute is that? Big Daddy and Lil' Mama... aah, and the romance begins...

He had to catch a flight the next day to go back home but he'll be back on Wednesday to stick around until New Year's. Thursday we're going to Wendy William's Dons and Divas Extravanganza which is hosted by my longtime idol Mary J. Blige! That will be quite an experience.

Speaking of new experiences, I went to see Lyfe in concert last night at B.B. Kings in Manhattan. It was crowded when we arrived but we somehow managed to get near the stage. I was actually sitting on the stage next to an extremely loud speaker but it was worth it to be that close to the show.

Lyfe looked so fresh and so clean clean with his all white on and he is a really good performer. I love his music and was super excited when he mentioned he has a new album coming out. He sang a song from that new album and I can tell it will be just as good or better than his debut.

He also look directly at me while singing Maxwell's Ascension:
"So shouldn't I realize
You're the highest of the high
If you don't know, then I'll say it
So don't ever wonder..."

and he took my hand for a brief moment before working the other side of the stage. My friend says that he was only singing to me because he couldn't see her. Girl, please.

Flavored Condoms and Peanut Allergies

Can someone please explain the purpose of fruit flavored condoms? I've been tossing and turning night after night trying to figure this out. Help.

Ok. I understand the manufacturers of Trogan and Magnum want to get all creative and market a new product. However, what does my vagina gain from a fruit flavored condom?

I mean, can it taste it? Please someone fill me in because I'm lost.

Unless people are giving oral sex with condoms on. I believe Superhead claimed she used a condom on Jay-Z when she offered her services to him. Maybe she likes fruit flavored rubber. If I were into that, I'd prefer the strawberry flavored kind.

And what about edible underwear? Which reminds me of those who are unfortunate enough to have peanut allergies. I understand that peanut allergies can be deadly and people should utilize every precaution to avoid having a serious allergic reaction.

With that said, watch out when tossing salads ladies and gentleman. I had a flashback this weekend of my little cousin scooting down my grandma's porch in his leaky diaper - trailing a mixture of poop and (gasp!) peanuts. Now, I'm not sure who gave him peanuts or how they magically became whole again, but the fact is - they were there.

So be safe around these holidays. I know people like to get freaky and try different things because you're in the holiday spirit, but if you have a peanut allergy stay away from the no-zone. I'm just sayin'.

Gracias, Hay-Zeus!

I have some great news this week. My son has a condition called Hydrocephalus and a few months ago he had brain surgery (third ventriculostomy) to help relieve the pressure on his brain. Well, a couple of days ago he had an MRI and his neurosurgeon says it looks as though the surgery worked and he won't need to see him for another 6 months!

That made me sooo happy to say the least. If this surgery didn't work, the doctors would've had to put a shunt in his head - which is not good at all. All kids that I've seen with this shunt have some sort of mental disability. I'm sure there are people with this problem that lead normal healthy lives but it's discouraging when I've yet to meet someone like that.

However, I am very encouraged to know that he won't be needing any more invasive surgery. Thank God...

On a lighter note, I was put on a final written warning at work today. I know you must be asking yourself - how is that a lighter note? Well, I've never collected unemployment but I hear that it's a beautiful thing. I would love to be home with the kids all day and still make the same amount of money for a little while at least. Plus, my man has informed me that I won't be a single parent for much longer. Holla!

Yes, we are quickly moving into that direction and pretty soon I won't be writing anymore about him because it will get extremely personal : )
He's flying up tomorrow and he will be around until we go away for New Year's. I can't wait to see him!

Wait a minute. I look a hot mess today. I hope I can get myself together soon enough so he doesn't look at me and say, "what the hell did I get myself into?"

But then again, I should be worrying about my mom scaring him off. He's supposed to meet her next week and I will be meeting his parents as well. From what I hear, they're not too much different from my own family. We learned that they both like to leave eggs and mayo out for hours at at time before returning these highly toxic items back to the fridge.

I know, it's disgusting. But how many times have you guys eaten Easter eggs after they'd been sitting on the coffee table for a month!

I'm back, son! Sunshine is in the building!

Why do people say that? Yo yo yo, Juelz Santana is in the building ladies and gentlemen! And this doesn't quite work if you don't have that cocky NY accent. And you got to have a touch of moron in there too. I swear people sound like a$$holes when they say things like that. But, let's move on -

Where to begin?! I've been soo busy and I feel bad not being able to write but I haven't been at a computer for days! Not to mention, my head has been in the freakin' clouds...

Without going into too much detail, let's just say I'm meeting Kane's parents next week and he's also meeting my mom. Interestingly, I don't view him as someone famous or "in the industry" as they say - but as someone I really like and would like to spend more time with.

I have a strong feeling that we'll be together for a very long time. He's that type of good man. And I've begun to really care about him and judging by our conversations, we're both on the same wavelength.

Our timing is quite perfect. I quit my part-time job and now I have more free time to really get to know someone. I've had opportunities like this in the past but just wasn't available enough to spend quality time with the person.

When he reads this site he might have second thoughts though.

I wonder what I should do with his autograph? I'll probably use it as a dustpan or something. That's kind of weird to have your man's autograph isn't it? I don't care how famous they are, it's creepy!

It's been snowing alot where I'm at, and last week I got really sick. Actually, me and the kids were sick. My apartment was starting to smell like a hospital. I missed work for a few days and then the weekend came and I realized I'd spent 5 days in the house.

I got all kinds of advice on how to get better. The sickest thing someone told me to do was to EAT a spoonful of Vicks VaporRub. Has anyone ever heard of this?! When I questioned this person's mental stability he has the nerve to say, "No, you don't just eat the Vicks you sprinkle sugar on it first to make it taste better."

Are you kidding me?

That reminds me of Joe Torrey's home remedy of boiling some orange juice. He claims that you don't drink it but instead you put it in a plastic bag and sit it on your neck. Try that sh!t and see how quick you get third degree burns on your neck.

And I suppose you can rub Vicks VaporRub on the burns to make them heal faster.

Aint No Half Steppin' indeed

I had the most amazing time last night. I mentioned before that I met Big Daddy Kane at a show in my hometown and we've stayed in contact everyday since. He invited me to another show which he described as a "corporate event". Turns out, the corporation is Rolling Stone magazine.

I drive up there to meet him and there he is outside the Canal Room waiting for me. We quickly decide to get something to eat before his performance. He takes me to this cozy, upscale Italian restaurant where I demolish a plate of grilled salmon. It looked so pretty I almost didn't want to mess it up. It even had some decorative garnishing on the plate. Kane made a comment how fast I ate and I told him, "I have a friend that says a lady always leaves something on her plate". So I made sure I left the garnishing.

He mentioned that he was bringing the Sugar Hill Gang on stage. Wow. So, needless to say, I met them as well. I also got to meet Kool Herc, Grandmaster Caz, Doug E. Fresh and Lil' Vicious (whose not so lil' anymore), and Kwame among many others. The night was basically a tribute to hip hop.

Biz Markie was the first that I saw perform and Black Sheep was the last. Kane's performance was "dope" to say the least. He absolutely amazed me. Doug E. Fresh is a top notch perfomer as well - working the crowd from every angle.

So anyway, Kane takes me to VIP and introduces me to a friend. This friend then introduced me to his wife Monique and she asked me to sit with her. She offered to buy me a drink and we were cold chillin' (very fitting huh?) when Kane asked me to come sit with him to watch Doug E. Fresh perform. A few minutes later, a guy tells me Chris Lighty is trying to get my attention. Chris Lighty? Violator CEO? Apparently, he had my sex on the beach and he was the friend that Kane introduced me to. Later that night we spoke and I said, "You probably don't bring drinks to people too often?" His response was that he only did that because I was with his longtime idol, Kane.

Chris Lighty's wife was really pretty though. I was surprised she wanted to hang with me - maybe to make herself look better? Look! I can take plain jane's under my wing and make them look fabulous! Hopefully she wasn't thinking along those lines....

Anyway, I got a Rolling Stone magazine with Jay-Z on the cover and got almost everyone I met that night to sign it. I'm going to frame it and give it to my brother for x-mas to put in his station at his barbershop. I think that magazine with the autographs might be worth alot of money one day.

After the show, Kane took me to City Island and we ate at a seafood place and he even bought me food to take home for the kids. Such a gentleman! He was very respectful and very very silly. Reminds me of myself - sans talent.

Next weekend, he's flying in just so he can take me to the movies. How dope is that?!

I quit my part time job...again.

I quit Filene's...again. I know, I know. And I've always said a slow grind is better than no grind but $7 an hour! Come on. Plus I found another job. A waitressing job at a nightclub which pays much better. But, I have until Thursday to accept the offer and I don't think I'm gonna take it. Here's why.

Ever heard the saying, "on their death bed no one ever says 'I wish I'd worked more'"? Well, I don't want to work myself to death. I mean, I do need the money but I already have a decent paying full time job and while I am a single mom of two boys there are people who survive off of half of what I make.

Plus, I need my rest. I can't work late nights EVERY weekend and expect to function properly. Time is money. And I rather spend my time with the kids when I can. And staying up late and being in the midst of drunks 4 nights in a row can really take a toll on you - I don't want to look old before my time. I'm already starting to get the crows feet around the eyes...

Anyway, it's December now and you know what that means. No. I'm not decking the halls or balling the holly. I'm not buying gifts and spreading holiday cheer. I try to do that all year long. This time of year is the time where I look back on the year and review all that I've accomplished. It's also a time where I set goals and plan for the new year. I have a feeling there are alot of new adventures in store for me. So sit back, relax, and watch my show.