Dildos

Isn't dildo an ugly word for such a device? Actually, I've never owned one. Never even used one. Another first for me will be to have my very own dildo - not that I'd borrow someone else's... I'm from the old school where everyday household products and produce moonlighted as sex toys.

Come on, don't act like you never saran-wrapped a cucumber. Or sat on a jar of spaghetti sauce. Or used garlic breadsticks. Or pushed a tomato up your vagina. (this is making me horny and hungry) Can of aerosol? No?

Come on. Admit it.

Alright. I see some people are in denial so lets back track for a minute and talk about dildos.

Like I said, I've never owned one but I know people that do. I knew a girl whose dildo was so freakin' huge it took a 9 volt battery. I mean, this thing was abnormally huge. I'm surprised it didn't take a car battery. She'd probably get aroused whenever the battery light came on in her car.

Personally, I need the real thing. I need visual stimulation and my imagination can only take me so far. Well, there was that one time I dreamed of my ideal dildo. It had a hand attached to it. The hand can swing around to please you wherever you'd like while being penetrated. Aha! Find me a dildo like that and I'll gladly oblige.