Spandex, Stirrups, and Hammerpants - When I was a kid...Part II
When I was a kid cross colours was real big. And the crocheted shirts with spandex shorts. I believe the proper term was biker shorts. No one wore these colorful extra tight booty flatteners because it enhanced their bike riding skills. No. It served a much more useful purpose.
Let's face it, guys wanted to show off their packages and girls wanted to show off their nicely tucked in tushes.
The problem was when girls had to peel out of those spandex shorts. Boy I'm sure there was a significant difference. That's like false advertisement.
Remember stirrups?
in case you forgot...
Well now that your memory has been refreshed, what purpose did these pants serve?
Oh, to keep your pants from "stirring up" and causing a ruckus?! Oh my god! My pants are stirring up! Quick! Someone get me some rubber so I can attach these pants to my feet! That'll teach 'em!
Ok. Maybe that was too deep for you. Lets revisit the "Hammer" pants.
Legend has it that MC Hammer used these pants to create an optical illusion with his dancing. He actually performed none of the amazing footwork that he became so famous for. There was actually a midget named Claude hidden in the folds of his pants doing all the moves for Hammer.
Claude never got credit for this and eventually died when a giant lump of cheese fell on him and he had to eat his way out...you know the rest.
I'm sorry, I'm making this all up and it isn't fair to any of you.
Let's face it, guys wanted to show off their packages and girls wanted to show off their nicely tucked in tushes.
The problem was when girls had to peel out of those spandex shorts. Boy I'm sure there was a significant difference. That's like false advertisement.
Remember stirrups?
in case you forgot...Well now that your memory has been refreshed, what purpose did these pants serve?
Oh, to keep your pants from "stirring up" and causing a ruckus?! Oh my god! My pants are stirring up! Quick! Someone get me some rubber so I can attach these pants to my feet! That'll teach 'em!
Ok. Maybe that was too deep for you. Lets revisit the "Hammer" pants.
Legend has it that MC Hammer used these pants to create an optical illusion with his dancing. He actually performed none of the amazing footwork that he became so famous for. There was actually a midget named Claude hidden in the folds of his pants doing all the moves for Hammer.
Claude never got credit for this and eventually died when a giant lump of cheese fell on him and he had to eat his way out...you know the rest.
I'm sorry, I'm making this all up and it isn't fair to any of you.
posted by Mary at 12:35 PM
2 Comments:
My grandmother had me rocking hot pink stirrups over lose white socks that just happened to be too big. So, every few minutes or so they would slide down into my women’s size 7 brown saddle shoes for 3rd grade class to see that I had forgotten to lotion my ankles. Damn those stirrup pants...damn them all to hell.
Didn't you used to hate when your socks would slip down into your shoe! They slowly slide down the back but you wouldn't notice until your shoe rubbed the back of your foot raw! AAAGGHH!
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